Izzy come here!!!!!!

"So, uhhh you still on for friday?" I really hoped he was. I don't know why but i felt a strong attraction toward this guy.

I let out a small chuckle into the phone and paused for a breif second. "I'm up for friday. But you know, if you have things going on it's fine. I've been let down before and it's not too fun." I was basically saying i trusted noone and nothing.

I knew exactly how he felt. I'd been let down many times. "No, I'm free. If you didn't notice i dont have too many friends."

"Well alright then, friday it is. Meet me after school?" I really didn't want her coming over to my house and seeing all the knives and guns i collected in my room. A bit creepy.

Wow. We were going to spend the whole afternoon together on Friday. That's when i got really nervous. "yeah. meet me by my locker."

I nodded. "Yeah, okay uh. . .I got to go. Text me later?"

**Ok i seriously gotta go, I love you hun bye!!**

Yeah, bye." I hung up the phone. Oh my god Johnna was gonna flip and for once i didnt care. She doesnt control my life. I do. I went to bed feeling pretty good about my self that night.

I flipped my phone closed and stared at the wall for a few minuets, I felt my eyes start to dry out as I stared at the knives that clung to the racks that I’d installed that day.
I blinked hard concentrating on how I’d bring myself to see her, to get to know her, how would I open up to her? I was a pit of never-ending lies. Dark secrets.
Death was my religion, knives were my cross, and guns were my holy water. Anything that could harm, I loved. I’d hurt her, I could kill her. I may snap.
I lay back on my black bed and stared at the ceiling, stared at the outlines of a pentagram that had been here before I moved. I never took it down mostly because I admired it; it made me feel safe and made me feel hopeful.
I stared for a long time thinking till I looked out the window to find the moon peeking through my shades. Sleep gripped my body and I ached for rest.
I flipped on my side and fell to sleep before my head hit the pillow.

The next day i was all nerves. I could barely concentrate on my schoolwork, especially with Johnna sitting right next to me filling my head with her thoughts. She was jealous. I almost had to stop myself from laughing at that thought. Johnna, jealous of me? What a crazy thought. I wonder what he was thinking? Was he this nervous? Maybe i should ask him on Friday. Or i could ask him at lunch. Hmmmmmm.

I twirled my chewed pencil between my fingers as I waited mindlessly for class to end. Next I had lunch and I couldn’t wait to see her.
Anxiously I put my stuff in my book bag after class and tried not to loose my cool as I ran to lunch to sit down at the table before her. It was like a fantasy of mine, a very odd fantasy. I’ve never had a fantasy.
I sat at the table my leg bouncing as I fixed my hair every couple seconds. I was too anxious to eat.

I walked into the lunchroom suprised to see someone besides johnna at my table. Stephan. "Not eating huh?" He seemed anxious; running his fingers through his hair every few minutes. I sat down across from him and waited for johnna to come sit down.

I smiled at her realizing the space in front of me where there was supose to be food was empty.
"Uh. . .Yeah not too hungrey" I laughed nervously.

I noticed the nervous edge in his voice. So i wasnt the only one. " oh, i see." Just then johnna walked in with a veneer of happiness. I decided to ignore her and enjoy my lunch. " so hows your day been so far?" i asked Stephan casually. I sat patiently waiting for his answer.

My leg wouldn't stay still. I think it got to the point where i had to yell at it in my head.
"um. . .my day was good." Stop!

Stop! That word rang clear in my head but i didnt recognize the "voice." I looked over at Stephan. If you just yelled stop in your head, then look me in the eyes and do it again. I focused all my energy on him getting that message. Wait! What am i doing? What if he thinks hes crazy, or im some type of mind reading freak? Ok, i guess ill give him that one seeing as its true.

I froze and my eyes slowly went from my leg to her face. Our eyes met.
Stop. i thought again.
My heart was racing and i'm sure that Blondie was confused. I'd be if i was her.

I did the only thing i could do. I ran. I didnt hav a specific place in mind but somehow i ended up in my car at the beach. The calming ocean beckonned me toward it. Luckily i always hav my swimsuit in my backpack. I went to the gas station across the street and changed into my dark blue bikini. I ran towards the ocean and the waves greeted me like an old friend. Is he like me? What if he was? Is that why i couldnt read him? If so, he really needs to teach me that. I stayed at the beach until the sun set then i drove home. I walked into my house.
"Lyrra, the school called. They said you werent there the whole afternoon. What happened?" My mom asked worriedly.
"I just got scared and went to the beach to calm down." I wonder if we were still on for friday. Did i still want to go on friday? That question stayed in my head all night.

I stayed there staring at the doors of the lunchroom for the rest of lunch. Waiting for her to come back. My stomach had tied in a knot, I should have been more careful. My heart was racing and regret and anger were bubbling inside of me. Bubbling to the surface, I was ready to overflow with rage. I wasn’t angry at her, I could never be. I was furious at myself, for letting someone else in my life slip away, for pushing her away, for getting too close to someone.
After a few minuets of realizing that she wasn’t coming back I got up from my seat and with all my strength I gripped the table I’d been sitting at and flipped it over. Food and bits of the tiled floor flew everywhere. I then ran out of the lunchroom. I needed to settle my nerves; I needed to fill the empty hole in the pit of my stomach. I needed to kill.

The next day was chaos. I went through the whole morning trying to decide what to do. Whether i should talk to him or skip lunch. I knew i should have stayed and talked to him yesterday. He probably hates me now. Why do i always mess everything up?
The numbers on the clock couldnt role by any slower. Finally science came to and end and the bell for lunch rang. Johnna met me at my locker questions running through her mind. "Hey. What was that all about yesterday?"
"Just nevermind. ok?"
"ok. fine."
The line for lunch took forever. When we finally got our food seven minutes had passed. As we walked into the lunchroom my heart was racing expecting the worst.

That night I’d killed three people. I was overflowing with inhuman-like joy. I stared at the blood that had been dripping on my knife and went home without one scrap of guilt. But when I went to school that morning I felt like a monster, how could I let her into that? There was no way she could be around me. I had given into my urges and I had no clue how it would turn out between us. What if I got angry at her? What is I was angry around her? I had to skip that day.
After my second class I drove home with tears in my eyes. I had never cried before. And I’d never loved before; both were the most awful things I’ve ever encountered.
When I stepped into my empty house rage overtook me. I could see everything in red I was so angry. My fist hit the wall once . . . Twice . . . three times and I didn’t stop until I saw blood smear the wall. The pain was unnoticed and by then my eyes were burning, tears soaked my face and with every tear came more rage.

The pain felt like someone had took a knife and stabbed it straight through my heart twisting it to cause as much pain as possible. No. Stop it. You barely know him. For Pete's sake he could be a psycho stalker. Besides, you'll look ridiculous if you start crying. I kept telling myself that but couldnt make my heart believe it. No, there's good in him. I can see it in his eyes. I went through lunch silent only talking when Johnna shut her big mouth to get a reply from me.
During math i told my teacher i wasnt feeling well and went to the nurse. "Hi Lyrra. What seems to be bothering you?" She said in a voice thick with false caring.
"My stomach feels like its inside out." Which was true. My stomach hurt along with every inch of my body.
"Well lets take your temp and then we'll decide what to do." My temp came out fine as always. Dammit! I could hear her thoughts. She wasnt going to let me go, and then something happened. I put a thought into her head. Let her go home. She feels and looks bad. "Ok, well you dont have a temp but your looking pretty green so lets call your mom and tell her that you are getting dismissed." I couldnt believe my ears. Did i do that? Wow. Never knew i could do that. Sweet.
We called my mom and she asked if i needed to be picked up or if i could drive myself. "I'm fine. I'll be home in a couple minutes," I told her.
I drove home slowly savoring my few minutes of freedom. When i walked in the door my mom was standing there waiting to see if i was alright.
"I'm fine mom. Hey could i go to the beach it always makes me feel better."
"Sure sweetey. Make sure you bring your cell and a towel."
I went and grabbed my favorite suit. A black bikini i had gotten that summer. Now i was ready. I walked back out to my car and drove to my favorite beach. When i got there i made sure no one was watching and changed into my suit in my car. I jumped out of my car and started running toward the water. The sand burned my feet but i ignored the pain and let the water wrap around me carrying my problems away.

I paused letting my thoughts flow freely. I couldn’t take how much rage I felt. I was overflowing with it.
I grabbed for my phone and blood smeared on it as I flipped it open. My hands shook as I dialed her number. I had to tell her how I felt; I had to tell her I couldn’t stay. I needed to kill again.
My eyes drifted from the phone to the news paper on the coffee table. They’d already sent out the murder notices to the press. They were already in the paper. That made my stomach feel like it was shrinking. I couldn’t see her, there was no way I could keep myself under control, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off her.
I squeezed my eyes shut as the other end rang.


**FAIL!!**

****oh yaaaaa. jesus this story's heatin up!**********

I got out of the water just as my phone started ringing. Thinking it was my mom i picked up. "Hello?" i said, out of breath.

**Haha I love you.**

I waited a second, my heart racing.
“Lyrra?” My voice was the same, deep, husky, and still seductive.
I felt the blood from my hands wipe on my face and I winced, the pain just starting to settle in.

That voice was not my mothers. It was his. Deep and seductive drawing me in with one word. "You werent at school. I really wanted to talk to you." Needy. Desperate. That's how i sounded. To sum it up in one word "Pathetic."




********love ya to************